(no subject)

Now I´m standing here alone, and waiting on my own for something that will fill the emptiness inside the moment that you´re mine. And this is loneliness I know. I lay my hand on to my soul. Is this what life has got to give? Is this the dream? The dream I had of you

Ooh, two entries in one day. What luxury! Except it's after midnight now, so I guess that's not even true. I'm clearly untrustworthy. I'm also apparently immensely hormonal. I went through about five completely conflicting emotions tonight. Right now I've settled back on being lonely. I'm lonely and my self-esteem is all sorts of high. This isn't a good combination. It makes me feel dangerous to myself and others. I also feel ludicrous thinking of myself as any sort of sexual predator, but I know that I'm capable of not thinking things through entirely in the name of not being lonely, and avoiding things like that is what this extended bout of singleness is meant to be all about.

How can you just leave me standing, alone in a world so cold? (world so cold) Maybe I'm just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold. Maybe you're just like my mother. She's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

So, Death Guild was really weird tonight. Caught a ride up with Tara, because my usual car driving friend and dancing buddy was crashing in the city tonight for work. Got to DG at about 11:30ish. Saw Iris and Dan out front, which is a mighty rare sight. Said my hellos, and exchanged opinions about donuts. Tara disappeared inside while my back was turned, so I went off and did my usual circle of hellos. Saw Helena, who seemed uber perky. We engaged in a brief parody of swing dancing sans dip. She wanted me to dip her, but I'm sure it would have ended in terror. Met Dani, and tried to go find Tara to introduce them without success. Then they started playing good music, and I got all distracted. I danced a lot. To just about every song while I was there I think. Joshie Humidity Factor was high. Lyrics interspersed throughout this post.

Forever in your arms you said, forever in my heart. My love for you will make us both climb higher. I sense your presence in this room. I feel that you are near. You hold me close and whisper "Love is forever"

There were an awful lot of people at DG tonight that I recognize back from my earlier days of clubbing. Not people I've ever met or talked to, but just people I remember seeing back from the earlier Death Guild/Rodericks/Shrine days. Infused the whole night with this sense of temporal discontinuity. Kind of unnerving. The fancy factor was higher than usual also. It felt very music videoy. The clincher was when I was dancing to When Doves Cry and I looked up and Patty was standing in front of the fan, which was set on high and blowing her hair back. I swear, I expected the walls to collapse and some early 90's hair band to march into the club strumming power chords. I have an overactive imagination.

What you have lost can never be found. Words are just dust in deserts of sound. Everything is lost and your trust lies broken. And the truth is drowned

Among the other party goers, I also saw Katie-lady who danced swoopy like with me to Bel Canto when no one else would and Eric and Starr who were saddened over KMFDM dramaness. Hi, I'm a linking machine tonight. Oh yeah, and Jamie. I never see him out anymore. Wow. How tired am I right now? Give up? The answer is "very". I think I'm just going to ignore any sort of writing guidelines and just stop now. No conclusion for you! Joshie has to get up in three hours to kick ass at Bubble Bobble, errr, go through more training, yeah training, that's the ticket.

Grinding, binding, taking away, needles above the prey, wreath of barbs. Open eyes reading nothing. A sky harsh blue grins black. And I bleed and bleed in this wreath of barbs, and I run and run, but I don't get far