(no subject)

Now I'm down on my hands and knees... and it's so a'fuckin' hot. Somebody cries "What are you looking for?". I scream "The plot! The plot!"

Got this lodged in my head earlier today courtesy of Will, and it's stuck ever since. It seems fitting t o me. I'm pretty plotless at this point, and not entirely comfortable with it. I'm usually fairly content to go drifting through life. I don't have many things I want out of it, but I do have some, and at this point I'm not getting any closer to achi eving them. So, maybe I'm having a one third life crisis (Maggie (who comes perilously close to sharing a birthday with me) mentioned a while back that while she was completely blase about turning 26, she was already starting to feel nervous about 27 nex t year. I pointed out that 26 is only late mid 20's, but 27 is early LATE 20's. She did not disagree with this assessment). More likely though, this is just my discomfort at not being in a relationship manifesting itself again. My head's funny like that (Quoth High Fidelity "Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being left alone for the rest of their lives at 26. We were of that disposition"). Hrm. It's not that I'm miserable being single. I was in high school, and early college, but one thing I got out of the whole Lily experience is that it's just as easy to be unhappy in a relationship as out of one. So, it's not like I think that I'm incapable of being happy when I'm not in a relationship, and it's not like I think being in a relationship is going to make everything sunshine and roses for me (well, it probably would for a while. Falling in love does that to you, but still). I've just never really gotten the hang of bachelordom, and considering somewhere down the line I wa nt tiny people, I don't really want to get the hang of it. Oh well, for better or worse it's the state I'm currently in, so I might as well try to make the best of it. Though I'm not exactly sure what the best of it is. What ARE the pros to being single exactly? Comments welcome.

Be mindful of the prayers you send. Pray hard, but pray with care. For the tears you are crying now are just your answered prayers. The ladders of life that we scale merrily move mysteriously around. So that when you think you're climbing up man, in fact you're climbing down

So, haven't updated in the last couple of days, mainly because nothing's really been going on. Tried to help prep some for the grand HO13D move out. Ended up going to the DNA on thursday. Was a dissapointing night for me as the music was absolutely nothing I wanted to hear, let alone dance to (The unfortunate thing was that I could tell that the DJ's I heard were talented, but unfortunately they were very talented at playing stuff I had no interest in hearing. Too repetitive to be interesting, too many random breaks in the repetition to be able to tune it out). So, I ended up netting all night. One nice thing about the DNA, you always have a fallback plan. Caught a ride down to my mom's with Numadan. Commenced my housesitting duties by feeding the cats and going promptly to sleep. Slept gloriously wondrously late on Friday. Tried to make plans that evening, but they fell awry unfortunately. Great sadness. Ended up hanging out with Numadan some more. Went out to dinner and then showed him Reservoir Dogs, which he had never seen. Ended up staying up late watching Boogie Nights again (I don't know why but I find PT Anderson movies immensely rewatchable). I think I finally hazed mu rkily out at about 5 am to some bastard combination of my internal jukebox's Nick Cave To Be By Your Side (I can not explain it dear, and I will not even try) and Shake your Bootie from the movie soundtrack. These are the things nightmares are made of.

Woke up way too early this morning, tossed food at the cats, and then proceeded to pass out on the couch waiting for Numadan and the drive up to the city for the last grand push at cleaning out HO13D. The cats took advantage of my unconsciousness by shedding all over me. I think I must have gone from straight out of the dryer clean clothes to looking like I was wearing fur in about 5 minutes flat. Was a total zombie on the drive up to the city. Just spaced out and let the landscape hit my corneas without really registering anything at all. That is, right up until I saw my favorite sign of the moment. There's a hotel right outside of SFO that always has a sign saying "Welcome *insert name of whatever convention is being held at the moment*". Today it said "Welcome Lactation Education Consultants". Say it a couple of times. Let it roll around in your brain a little bit. It doesn't get any better. Now, I've dated a nursing mother, so I know there's a lot more to lactating than most people w ould have you think. But *really*. Has modern society evolved us that far away from instinct? Sometimes I think we should all just go back to the caves for a couple of millenia. I certainly wish I could solve all my problems by hitting things with thi gh bones. Life would be easier if nothing else. As a tribute to my baser nature however, I've got to admit that while I was thinking this, the Homer section of my brain was thinking "Egads, an auditorium full of people talking solely about nipples. Mmm mmm, nipples". Also, I wonder if they have busi ness cards. And can you go straight into lactation consultation out of a bachelor's degree, or do you need to do post graduate work? So many questions...

Eventually made it up to the city and the lifting and sweating began. Had quite a posse helping out though. Mike and Maggie. Will and Nadja. Then Seth, Dan and myself. Countless bookshelves, chairs, tables, entertainment centers, boxes, rolls of fabrics, dressers and easels later it was all packed up. Nothing broken, no one maimed. Only managed to give myself one big bruise. Entertained myself by trying to figure out optimal pipelining schema for all 7 of us tromping up and down the stairway. My life as a metaphor for processor design. I fear. Swooped over to the east bay and unloaded every thing. It's so much easier when stairs aren't involved. Think it took maybe a third of the time on the other end. I take a grim sort of pleasure in the fact that Mike and Maggie's devil cats are still c ompletely traumatized by their new surroundings, t hough by the end Monster looked like he was getting the lay of the land (Most fearsome aspect of new house: There's an area he can perch. Not only will people have to worry about being gutted by him, they'll also have to worry about death from above). Unfortunately Nea is even more traumatized. Poor Nea, she's such a skittish thing. Though she's gotten loads better since Val and I rescued her. When we first introduced her to Val's apartment, I think she hid in the bathroom for about a week. Mike and Maggie were nice enough to treat us to pizza, and then I whisked off to the Gothnic with my sister and Will.

So, I noticed something interesting about Golden Gate Park today. Three of the major streets are Lincoln, John F Kennedy, and Martin Luther King. Buzz in when you spot the common theme. Pretty high turnout for this gothnic, but also a whole lot of turnover from prior ones. It seems all the really old schoolers stay the same but the new faces are always different. Made me feel oldish. Crotchety "Back in my days we didn't even have this many people on the list!". Flitted about merrily from conversation to conversation. Elisabeth gave me a tangerine early in the afternoon, and I ended up tos sing it up in the air and catching it as a fidget (I've noticed recently my tendency to fidget with things. I'm not at all a hyperactive person, but I'm almost always doing something, either playing with rings or jelly bracelets, or just drumming my fingers. It's odd, and I think it's relatively recent behaviour). Wander around, chat for a little bit, toss my tangerine. Rinse and repeat. By the end of the day my tangerine was completely pulped while still inside its peel. And then the skin broke. Fun fact, tangerine juice is surprisingly frictionless, right up until it dries some and goes completely sticky. After that though I got to threaten to touch people until they gave me money not to. Well, actually only Will gave me money, but hey, not e very entrepeneurial venture works out. There were all sorts of amusing quotes I overheard, but of course I forgot them. I s ort of miss having a quote book around, but once that becomes de rigeur people start going out of their way to get into it, and i t gets unfunny rapidly. The only one I can recall right now is Will asking Chuck to make him a drink. Chuck grins widely and scampers off, to my sister calling after him "Without Pringles in it this time!". One day I will list all the god-awful alcoholic concoctions I've been witness to amongst that group of people. Will's name will feature prominently in most of the stories. Oh, also, there are pictures of me mincing about in a bonnet and a parasol. I might even have gone so far as to nancy around it. I will post a pic if I ever get the URL.

Anyway, got up towards darkness time and Will and Nadja were off to Smoke and Mirrors, and I was eventually off back down to the southbay. Drove around with them for a while first though while waiting for Numaness to rendezvous in the city. The ori ginal plan was to maybe see if their was a movie playing, but the glories of San Francisco on a saturday night turned the plan into "Drive in a grid pattern for an hour looking for parking!" Whee! In our search for elusive parking though we did get to pass an assortment of hookers and a marquee proclaiming "Deep throat playing all day all night in memory of Linda Lovelace". What more of an epitaph could you possibly want to your life? Eventually threw up our hands in despair and had Dan treat us to Japanese food instead. Mmmm, Avocado Maki. Mainly just made me miss the old trips to Hanabi though. Ended up dropping off my keys at HO13D, then whisked off down here where bed is rapidly beckoning.

First however, a moment of silence for the House of 13 Doors. It was a nice place to live, with the best possible selection of room-mates I could have asked for, and I've got some immensely fond memories of it, thin walls and all. If this was a movie, you'd get a nice montage scene with sweet reminiscent music playing over it, but I'm too sleepy to recap the highlights of almost 3 years (I think), and for some reason the only song that I can dredge up is The Doors The End, which is way more gloomy than the house deserves, but it'll have to do for now. Lights dim slowly...

This is the end. Beautiful friend. This is the end. My only friend, the end. Of our elaborate plans, the end. Of everything that stands, the end. No safety or surprise, the end. I'll never look into your eyes... again

And fade to black...